


Soul of my Soul

by titaniumplatedspine



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, trigger warning blood, trigger warning pregnancy loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-09 23:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15279000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniumplatedspine/pseuds/titaniumplatedspine
Summary: Not blood of my bloodor bone of my bonebut heart of my heartand soul of my soulThe Frigga centric mom feelings fic I didn't know I needed until I was already writing it. With a heavy dash of brotherly bonding and baby Loki.





	1. one

“Don’t worry,” said Eir, “I’ll save all this information for you for when you have real kids.”

Frigga wanted to punch her stupid, smirking face in. Nevermind that Eir was actually her friend, and one of the only people she could consistently tolerate at her office. The look on her face, the one people always gave her when they talked about children drove her absolutely mad. Nevermind that she’d already raised a child. She hadn’t birthed Hela, but she’d met Odin when the girl was only a baby. She’d changed her diapers, she'd taken her to the doctor, and she’d researched and bought literally all the same equipment Helga was talking about now. She knew how to raise a child.

==

Fourteen years later, Frigga was doubting everything she knew. Hela was in prison. A rebellious phase in her teens had started with Hela picking friends her parents didn't approve of, and ended in drug use and running away. One of her new "friends" Fenrir convinced her to help break into his grandma's house to get the money they needed for their next fix. When his grandma woke up he had stabbed the old woman. She'd died three days later in the hospital, and all of a sudden Frigga's daughter was an accomplice to murder. Hela was seventeen. She had been tried as an adult. Frigga thought back to the sweet little girl she had raised, the one who made beards out of the bubbles in her bath, who made her breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day. She remembered the way her voice had broken when she’d called her from jail.

“Mama,” she’d sobbed, “I made a mistake and I’m so sorry.”

Hela adored her father, idolized him and tried to be like him in every way possible. But it was Frigga she went to with her feelings, Frigga who she wanted when she was hurt or sick. Now Hela was gone, and Frigga couldn’t help feeling it was her fault. She’d spent the past six months going over every moment, every word, wondering what she had done wrong, what mistake she had made that led her daughter to this, and still she didn’t know.

Frigga rubbed her hand against the softly swelling mound of her stomach, and she swore she’d get it right this time. She wouldn’t fail this baby.

==

Thor was a golden child, in every sense of the word. He was constantly smiling, always reaching for Frigga for a hug and a kiss. He charmed all the adults when she took him out in public, and little old ladies wanted nothing more than to pinch his cheeks. He had started kindergarten this week, and while he'd teared up at the thought of being left there, by the time Frigga had returned to pick him up he had already made a group of friends that he'd wanted to bring home. Frigga adored him, and Odin constantly bragged about him to his friends, about how quickly he was growing, how strong he already was for his age, how fast he could run, how well he did in his peewee football league. 

Thor was admittedly spoiled, and it showed a little bit in the occasional temper tantrum. However, Frigga was hoping that would change soon. Her stomach was still smooth and flat, but soon her boy would have a new brother or sister. He'd been wishing for a sibling for every birthday and holiday for the past three years so she was sure he'd be excited. She couldn't wait to tell him the news.

==

Frigga woke and knew something was very, very wrong. She felt sticky and wet between her legs, and panicked she jolted out of bed and ran to the bathroom. There was blood dripping down her legs, and she began to pray as she flipped on the light.

"Please don't baby, please be okay. We love you so much, please don't do this to us. If there's a miracle out there, I'll do anything, just let my baby be okay."

She pulled her sleeping pants and underwear down and started crying at the sight of all the blood. She sat down on the toilet and did her best to start cleaning herself up. There were cramps ripping through her lower abdomen that she was doing her best to deny. A fresh wave of blood had her screaming for her husband. 

Odin started cursing in the bedroom, and he was stumbling in to the bathroom to see what was wrong. He paled at the site of her, and he moved into action. Within a minute he'd run to their bedroom and come back to the bathroom with fresh pants and underwear for her. He ran warm water and wet a washcloth for her to wipe off her legs. He kissed her forehead and told her to get dressed, before he was rushing out of the room to get Thor up and load him into the car. 

It took her a few minutes to clean and dress herself on shaking legs, but she managed. She scrounged through a drawer for a pad she'd thought she wouldn't need for another six months and walked out to the car. She had stopped crying, but instead she felt numb. Odin took her hand in the car and didn't let go as he sped to the hospital. The one time she glanced at the speedometer he was going well over 100mph, but she couldn't be bothered to care. She could feel the blood still flowing from her body, and she closed her eyes and continued her silent prayers. 

==

She was alone in her room at the hospital, and she really needed to pee. The nurse had drawn blood, and the doctor had ordered a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. She was waiting for her results. Odin had taken Thor to get some food and dropped him off at daycare while she waited. She glanced at the clock to see what time it was, and saw that fifteen minutes had passed.She sighed and wished she had grabbed her phone. She debated hitting the call button again when Odin walked in. He pulled the stool up to her bedside and she leaned against him. She still had to pee, but at least she wasn't alone. 

A doctor finally walked in a few minutes later, and started rattling off facts and figures about her bloodwork to the two of them. Odin looked confused and upset. Frigga understood every word. Her baby was gone. It was just a matter of her body finishing the process over the next couple days. She listened to the doctor's instructions, nodded and thanked him, and tried to refuse when he said he was sending her home with a Vicodin prescription for the pain.

"You're going to want something stronger when you're at home." He told her, and his eyes was sympathetic. She wanted to tear his face off. She told him she really needed to use the bathroom, and he promised to send a nurse in. Fifteen minutes later there was still no one, so she removed the things connecting her to the various machines in the room and held her gown shut while she searched for a bathroom. Of course the nurse appeared as soon as she made it back to the room to remove her IV and send her on her way. Within five minutes of being in the car she was looking for her Vicodin as the cramps worsened. Odin held the bottle back from her and pulled into a drive through and handed her a hash brown to eat. There was nothing appealing about the food, but she knew she wasn't supposed to take her pain meds on an empty stomach. She managed a few bites, and reached her hand out for the pills again. Odin relented this time, and she checked to see how many she could take before swallowing them dry. She didn't think she would feel anything but grief ever again. 

==

Six months later, Frigga still cried in the shower sometimes, still curled up on the floor of the empty room that would have been a nursery and felt numb when she thought of the baby she had lost, but for the most part she was better. She'd gained back most of the weight she'd lost immediately following her miscarriage. Food had remained tasteless for a long time, and she'd had a hard time wanting to nurture the body that had betrayed her and failed at the one thing she'd truly wanted from it. 

Thor had been confused, and although she'd done her best to shelter him from the fallout, he'd caught her crying or been snapped at by either herself or Odin far more times than she was comfortable with. They'd told him that Mommy had been sick, that her body hurt, and that sometimes it made her sad. Sweet boy that he was, he instantly forgave every tear, every angry word, and every time she didn't take him out to the park or the library as planned because she couldn't bear to leave the house. Instead he cuddled her when she was sad, drew her pictures that declared her the "World's Best Mommy", and made her cars out of his building blocks. 

Odin had been wonderful in his own way. He'd held her when she cried and listened, even when she knew he wanted to cry too. He forced her to eat, or made her smoothies when food was too much. He reassured her over and over that he loved her, that he wasn't mad, and that no matter what she felt that it wasn't her fault. He'd eventually had to pick up his hours at work, making up for the time he'd missed to stay home with her. She'd never understood exactly what he did, something with finances and fixing failing companies, but he made enough money doing it that she'd been able to stay home after Thor was born with no real worries. It kept him away a little more than she really liked, but she knew it was the trade off for their comfortable life. 

It was one of his trips that changed everything. Odin had been out of the country, and she knew the head of the company he was dealing with had been nasty based on the phone calls she'd received. Odin's trip kept getting extended as he had to fight more and more in order to try and accomplish his goals. Frigga hadn't expected him home for another week at least, when she was woken by her bedroom door opening. Odin was standing there, and her cry of joy was quickly hushed by her husband, and that's when she noticed the bundle in his arms. Her stomach quickly filled with dread. She hoped this wasn't another kitten. Thor was highly allergic, but wanted to bring every kitty he saw home, and had snuck a few into his bedroom. The last one almost ended in a trip to the ER due to the hives he had developed. 

"What did you do?" She asked, and she never could have expected his answer. 

The man he'd been dealing with had died, but not before dropping his infant son off at Odin's hotel room. He'd left a note saying that since Odin had already taken over everything the man had wanted to leave his son, he might as well take him as well. Odin hadn't known what to do, so he'd brought the baby home like the utter fucking imbecile he could be on his worst days. 

"We don't have anything for a baby!" Frigga hissed at him, careful not to wake the baby, but it was in vain. The bundle in Odin's arm twitched, and then there was a plaintive cry. Odin looked around panicked, and Frigga cursed internally before grabbing the baby from him. 

He was a beautiful boy, if maybe a little sickly looking. He was certainly smaller than Thor had been, and pale with dark hair and big green eyes. He was snuffling softly and gumming at the fist he'd shoved in his mouth. 

"Oh baby, you're hungry aren't you? Let's just hope my darling husband brought some formula for you." She let the sarcasm run thick through her voice, and Odin winched as he rushed for the bag he'd left on the floor and dug some formula and a cheap bottle out of it. At her glare he went to the kitchen to prepare a bottle, and she grabbed the bag looking for diapers. 

By the time Odin was back, she'd changed the boy and put him in a lighter onesie more appropriate for the warm snap they'd been having The baby was beginning to work up some real cries when Odin handed her the bottle. She settled the boy into her arms, and held the bottle to his mouth. He took it quickly, tears just beginning to leak from the corner of his eyes. Frigga felt a clench in her heart as she held the boy. It had been a long time since she'd held a baby this small. He couldn't be more than a few weeks old. She buried her nose into his hair and noted he still had the fresh baby smell. She rocked him in her arms while she paced the room, humming softly all the while, when she noticed Odin watching her from the doorway. 

"What?" she murmured, careful not to disturb the little one in her arms. 

"I'd just forgotten how beautiful you were like this." He half whispered back, and she felt a flush spread across her face. She turned her back on him, and nuzzled into the baby's head again to hide her pleased smile. The baby had finished his bottle and she shifted him onto her shoulder to burp him before he fell back asleep. 

"Please don't spit up on my back little baby whose name I don't know. The cloth only covers so much."

"Loki." Odin whispered behind her, one hand on the small of her back while he slipped past her with the pack 'n play he must have gotten out of storage while she was focused on the baby. He set it up at the foot of their bed, and dug in the bag for a swaddling cloth. He set the cloth on the bed for her, and she smiled at him. This routine hadn't been used in years, but they still knew how to work together to survive a newborn. She wrapped Loki snugly in his cloth, and settled him in his bed for the night. 

"Good night little Loki." She whispered to the baby who was sleeping peacefully, "Sleep well baby, I think we're going to have a big day tomorrow."


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga struggles to bond with the new baby. Thor doesn't have that problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to the amazing thoughtsappear for being the world's best beta and a better friend.

When Frigga first lost her baby, she'd spent hours crying and apologizing to Odin. Every time he'd told her she'd done nothing wrong, and repeated what their doctor had told her that sometimes these things just happen. It hadn't stopped her from feeling at fault, like she should have eaten better, done more yoga, or like maybe she shouldn't have carried that overfull laundry basket. Odin had been lovely and patient. He'd taken care of Thor for the first few days while she was still heavily cramping and in pain, he'd held her when she cried, and while he didn't cook much, he was pretty great at ordering take out. Beyond those first few hours of irrational fear, she'd never thought she was going to lose her husband. 

Loki had been in their home for less than a week, and Frigga was considering filing for a divorce herself. 

In the daylight Loki was even more lovely, with his soft pale skin and dark hair that was remarkably thick for a newborn. His eyes, when they weren't screwed up crying, were a rich hazel that glimmered in the light. The problem was he was almost always crying. He was constantly fussy, and if she was lucky he'd sleep for an hour straight at night. Frigga had tried switching his formula, and even bought some of the fancy, expensive baby bottles that were supposed to help with colic and gas, but had no luck. She was worried there was something else wrong with him, but since she wasn't his parent, or even legal guardian, she couldn't bring him to the hospital. Frigga was so frustrated with Odin for just bringing a baby home like a goddamn stray dog that she wanted to scream. 

Thor adored Loki completely. He begged for Frigga to lay him on the ground so Thor could sit with him, and he spent almost all of his time either shaking rattles and other toys for him, or holding up books for Loki while he made up stories for the pictures. On the rare occasions Loki wasn't crying, it was often because he was smiling at Thor. Thor was right at her side while she fed Loki bottles and changed his diapers, and nothing made him happier than when he was allowed to hold the baby in his lap under his mother's supervision. Thor had even insisted on being bathed in the sink with Loki so he could "help" his mother (which was adorable, but not very helpful). Frigga had found Thor in Loki's room almost every morning, curled around him in the crib, and with one of his fingers held tightly in Loki's baby fist. Thor was their golden child, but it was clear that the light in his life was Loki.

Frigga often wondered with a pang if Thor would have loved his baby brother or sister as much, then did her best to try and chase away those thoughts. It wasn't fair to compare Loki with the hopes she'd had for her lost baby. It was just hard. Loki was very close in age to what her own child would have been, but he wasn't her baby. Odin had stayed home the first day after his trip, but then he'd returned to work. When Thor had been born he'd stayed home for two weeks with her. This time she was alone, struggling to handle not only an incredibly fussy newborn, but her own toddler. With Thor, even the crying and the puking had been met with delight, because that was her baby, and she'd spent months feeling him move and grow inside of her. With Loki, she didn't have that connection, and while she thought he was pretty cute in general, it was hard to find him adorable when he was screaming all night. She often wondered where his mother was, and if he had any family she could ship him to. His crying made Odin irritable, and he'd taken to sleeping downstairs in the guest bedroom on the days he was actually home. He'd left on a business trip the day before, and wasn't scheduled to come back for at least a week. Frigga was exhausted and alone. 

==

It took another three days for Frigga to snap, and when she did she called her mother. Tearfully she unloaded the whole story, the baby showing up, her exhaustion, Odin's lack of support, her own ugly feelings about Loki and her subsequent guilt, even her fears that they'd both be arrested for kidnapping and where would that leave Thor? Her mother listened to it all, and said she'd be there in two hours and hung up the phone. Frigga cried, but this time it was in relief. 

Frigga's mother Gaea walked into her house one hour and fifty three minutes later, and the first thing she did was hug Frigga in the fiercest embrace she'd ever received. The second thing she did was take Loki and send Frigga to bed. Frigga put up a token protest, but her mother scoffed and leveled her with such a look that Frigga didn't protest again. 

Frigga woke up three hours later, and if she wasn't totally well rested, she at least didn't feel like a complete zombie anymore. She used the bathroom and washed her face before slipping downstairs, scared to disrupt the quiet. She found her mother in the kitchen, with what appeared to be the living room curtains wrapped around her in an improvised sling, Loki held tight to her chest and sleeping soundly. Gaea saw her slinking into the room and pulled her in with a quick side hug. Frigga looked to see that Gaea was hard at work preparing what looked like a lasagna, and she wanted to cry all over again. 

"It took me a minute to figure him out, but the boy just wants to be held tight. Swaddled him up to me and he's been a complete angel ever since. We even took a trip to the grocery store. Now," and here Gaea side-eyed her daughter, and Frigga could feel her taking in her greasy hair, stained shirt, and leggings she'd been wearing for at least five days, "you are going to shower while I finish lunch, and then we are going to talk about what happens going forward."

Frigga didn't argue this time. She gave her mother a kiss on the cheek, and practically skipped to the shower. Calling her mother was the best thing she'd done in months. 

==

Frigga stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed, and made her way downstairs. Gaea was in the living room, giving Loki a bottle. He was quiet, his eyes fixed on her face, and his fingers wrapped in her long hair. Gaea was cooing and singing softly at him, and Frigga took a minute to slip out her phone and snap a picture. She joined Gaea on the couch after, and leaned her head on her mother's shoulder. The moment was peace itself. 

"You know, when you called me this morning, all I could think about was the day you called me when you lost the baby." Gaea's voice was soft, still using the same singsong tone so she didn't upset Loki, but Frigga froze anyways. "You were so upset then too, couldn't even get a word out because you were crying so hard. I've never felt like such a failure as a mother. I never wanted you to hurt that way."

Frigga was crying a little, and used her sleeve to wipe her tears away. Gaea leaned her head to the side to rest on Frigga's, and she started humming again. Frigga vaguely recognized the song, thinks it might be from a book her mother used to read to her. She's proven right when her mother reached into her purse and pulled the book out to hand to her.

"The man who wrote that book, he lost a baby too. This was for them. I know this isn't what you imagined, but you lost a baby, and this baby here, he's lost his parents. His father wouldn't have left him with your idiot husband if he'd had anyone else. Maybe it's not what you wanted, but maybe it can still be something good."

"I'm afraid Mama." Frigga finally whispered, and her deepest secret and shame spilled forward without her making the choice to share, "I already messed up so badly with Hela. What if I didn't love her enough because she wasn't mine?"

"Oh baby, I love you but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say." Frigga snorted into her mother's shoulder, and Gaea kissed her temple, "What Hela did wasn't your fault. You loved that girl and gave her everything you could. That's all you can do, and you just hope your baby turns out well. I can see why you're scared to take in another child, but do you really think you loved them differently?"

Frigga sobbed into her mother's shoulder, and Loki started crying as well. Gaea shifted Loki up to her shoulder to burp him, and managed to rock him and Frigga at the same time. She sang to them both, that old song that had so much more meaning now that Frigga knew what it meant. 

_I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always,_   
_As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not being able to take my kids to the doctor when they are sick just because they're not biologically mine is so goddamn annoying. The doctor's office is constantly losing my permission slip from my husband to treat them, so they have to call him at work and hopefully be able to reach him to get verbal permission. 
> 
> According to my Googling, Frigga's mother was named Jord. Apparently in the mythology and comics this was also Thor's mother, but clearly we're not going with that here. Jord was referred to by some other names, but they all meant Earth, so I picked Gaea to encompass that a little. If I'm wrong, please tell me.
> 
> The book Gaea refers to is "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. You can read some background on it [here](https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-heartbreaking-story-behind-iconic-childrens-book-love-you-forever_us_573ceb97e4b0aee7b8e8f76f) if you're interested.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a playdate!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughtsappear is a saint, and I couldn't write without her.

When Hela had been six years old, she’d come to Frigga and complained of an earache. Frigga had checked the little girl’s ear, and found dried blood. In a panic she’d called the school to let them know Hela would be absent that day, and driven to the walk in clinic. Upon arriving, she was told the clinic couldn’t locate the waiver Odin had signed allowing Frigga to bring Hela in for treatment. Nevermind that Frigga had been the one taking Hela to all of her appointments for the last four years. Today she wasn’t allowed because she wasn’t Hela’s biological mother. The clinic had needed to call Odin, who was out of town for work, and drag him out of a meeting. They continued to ask him questions about Hela’s health and condition, and Frigga could hear Odin repeating in increasingly frustrated tones that he _didn’t know_ , he was _out of town_ , and why didn’t they just _ask his wife who was standing right there?_ Frigga wondered the same thing, and at the time she thought it was about the worst she could feel. 

Over the years she’d gotten used to the occasional issues that came from being Hela’s stepmother. The school system knew them, the doctors and dentist remembered them, and no one at soccer gave Frigga any hassle when she signed Hela up anymore. Hela went through phases as she grew up, sometimes fierce in her insistence that Frigga was her mom and her other mom was the worst, sometimes reverting back to calling Frigga by her first name and saying she was just her father’s wife. Frigga learned to let the perceived slights roll off her back, and gave her daughter the same love no matter what. She’d thought being a stepmother was hard. She’d had no idea what it would be like to be whatever she was to Loki.

==

Saturday meant it was time for the weekly playdate at the park with Frigga’s mom group. She didn’t really want to leave the house, but she’d already skipped the past couple weeks after Loki arrived in their home, and she knew if she didn’t show up this time she was going to end up with a group of nosy and concerned mothers at her door. Besides, Thor was getting anxious to see all his friends, and it would be nice to let him run off some energy at the park. 

Things had gotten a little easier since her mother came to visit. Her mother had gone grocery shopping and premade and frozen a couple weeks worth of meals for when Frigga was too tired to cook. Gaea had also gotten on Odin’s ass, and after a long talk with Frigga he’d consulted with a lawyer who had started on the process for them to legally adopt Loki. They were searching for any remaining members of Loki’s family. Both his parents were dead, but there had been no will prepared since Loki’s birth, which meant no one had been appointed to take care of the child. It was going to be a difficult road, but they at least had temporary guardianship while the whole mess was being sorted out. 

It wasn’t going to be easy. Literally the only thing currently saving Odin from a felony kidnapping charge was the fact that Loki seemed to have no family to object, and a very expensive lawyer. Because Odin didn’t think ahead at all, he hadn’t saved the note that Loki’s father had left with the baby. Right now it was only Odin’s word that the baby had been left with him by Laufey. 

Adding to the mess, was that Laufey had never actually been declared dead. When Odin found Loki he attempted to call Laufey, and had gotten no answer. He’d called his office who had told him Laufey was dead, which is when he decided to retreat home with the baby. Apparently, there had been a translation issue, and the assistant had meant Laufey was gone, as in disappeared, not gone as in dead. Laufey was still missing, and Odin showing up with Loki made him look awfully suspicious. Frigga was quietly panicking, and had a meeting with the lawyer herself to give a statement about what she knew the following week. 

Loki was still a fussy child, but now that Frigga knew he just wanted to be cuddled (cuddled was a soft word for it, the child wanted to be swaddled and held so tight Frigga was scared she’d smother him) things were a little easier. She’d hung her curtains back up and invested in an actual baby sling, and for the most part she was able to strap Loki to her chest and go on with her day. And Loki didn’t seem too fussy about who held him. He was just as content laying on the ground with Thor cuddling him as he was doing the dishes with Frigga. Frigga wondered what it meant about his life before that he wanted to be cuddled so much. Did it mean someone had held him constantly and he was used to the attention, or had he been ignored and now he was searching for the love he had lacked?

==

Frigga was late getting to the playdate, because traveling with a baby always took more time and effort than she expected. Thor could barely contain himself while she worked on unbuckling him, and as soon as he was free he exploded across the park to the playground, tackling and hugging all of his friends. Frigga was a little slower to follow, switching Loki to his stroller and making sure she had her keys and diaper bag. The table where the other parents were sitting was silent, and she took her time unlatching Loki from the car seat and settling him in her arms before she sat down. 

“Frigga, please tell me you didn’t kidnap a baby-ouch, don’t kick me!” Winnifred Barnes, or Winnie, started, glaring at Sarah Rogers next to her. Sarah just smiled sweetly and asked if she could hold the baby. 

Frigga was surprised at how reluctant she was to pass Loki off. He’d been frustrating this past week, but she was used to having him in her arms. Still, she managed to pass him off to Sarah who cuddled him close. 

“Aww, he still has that new baby smell.” Sarah sighed, some strands of her blonde hair falling loose around her face. Winnie scooted closer and took a good whiff of Loki’s head as well. Sarah pushed Winnie away with a hand to her face, “Wait your turn, I’m smelling the baby now.”

Frigga chuckled at the two. Sarah and Winnie lived in the same apartment building, and had been friends for a long time. Their sons were practically inseparable, and shared the same loving but sarcastic friendship as their mothers. 

Frigga and Winnie had taken some birthing classes together and hit it off. They’d kept in casual contact throughout their pregnancies. When Sarah moved into Winnie’s building with her infant son Steve, it had been her idea to let the three boys play together. Thor had only been about a year old, and Bucky and Steve were younger, so really, it had been more of an excuse for their mothers to vent about their lives and babies with people who understood. They’d later been joined by Maria Stark, who Winnie had met while pregnant with her daughter last year, and Rebecca Banner whose son Bruce had attended the same preschool program as Thor last year. Maria was absent more often than not, but her butler Jarvis attended every week faithfully with little Tony, and the group had embraced him as one of their own. Especially because he always brought the best treats. 

The group was looking at her expectantly, and Frigga checked to make sure Thor was okay (He was currently trying to talk Bruce into a contest to see who could swing the highest. Frigga had no doubt Thor intended to jump off at the top, but Bruce was a little more timid) before launching into her story. Rebecca looked scandalized, Winnie spent the entire time cursing Odin, Sarah just cuddled the baby protectively, and Jarvis asked if she needed any recommendations on a good lawyer, remarking wryly that he was certain Tony’s father had needed more than a couple in his life. They were interrupted by Winnie’s son Bucky hollering that he was hungry while he ran to Jarvis. The kid knew where the good food came from. Winnie rolled her eyes and whipped out the baby wipes to try and clean the dirt off Bucky’s hands, grumbling about filthy little monsters. Bucky squirmed away and gave his best smile to Jarvis, who had already opened his cooler and was digging for Bucky’s favorite flavor of juice and a bag of home blended trail mix. Bucky scrambled into his mother’s lap, ready to eat, remembering to thank Jarvis after a single prompt from his mother. Before he could eat, he was distracted by the baby in Sarah’s arms. 

“Hello baby.” Bucky said, turning in his mother’s lap and leaning forward to get a good look at Loki, “Ma, where did the baby come from?”

“Miss Frigga brought him. He lives at Thor’s house.” Winnie explained, brushing Bucky’s hair back from his face and holding him securely so he didn’t tumble forward into Sarah’s lap. 

“No fair, Thor gets a baby. Ma, I want a baby.” Bucky whined, giving his best pout to his mother. 

“You had a baby, James. You had Becca, remember.” Winnie reminded him, shooting an exasperated look to the other adults.

“Yeah, but she’s a stinkin’ girl. I want a boy baby. Hey Stevie! Come look at Thor’s baby!” The last part was hollered almost directly into Winnie’s ear, and Frigga covered her mouth to hide a smile at Bucky’s antics. 

Steve was sitting in the sandbox only a few feet away helping Becca and Tony build a sandcastle (well, Steve was building and the two toddlers were destroying), but he looked up at his friends shout. Thor had also looked over when he heard his name, and he jumped off the swing to run and show off ‘his’ baby. Soon, all the older children were surrounding Sarah, all trying to get a closer look at Loki. Frigga and Rebecca worked together to keep them in line so they didn’t jostle the Loki. Jarvis and Winnie had moved to collect the two younger children from the sandbox, since they were both due for a diaper check and a snack as well. 

Eventually they managed to get the children settled on a blanket with their snacks. Thor had refused to sit still until Loki was placed in his lap (Winnie had grumbled horribly about this; she wanted to hold a fresh baby that still smelled nice unlike thirteen month old Becca who had horrible gas). He was spending more time telling the other children about the new baby than he was eating, and Frigga was watching carefully to make sure Thor didn’t accidentally jostle Loki from his position leaning against his stomach. They were all settling back into their conversation, when they were disturbed by the wail of a distressed child. 

“Maaaaaa! Thor’s baby bit Tony!” Bucky was hollering.

“Tony shoved his fingers in his mouth!” yelled Thor, defending Loki.

“How could the baby bite him, he doesn’t have teeth?” Bruce asked his mother, his face bunched up in confusion. 

Jarvis had scooped up Tony and was comforting him, and Frigga had scooped up Loki who was also crying now that Tony’s fingers were out of his mouth. Sorry, she mouthed at Jarvis who just shook his head at her and smiled. Tony glared at Loki as he sniffled into Jarvis’s shoulder. Frigga smiled gently, and tucked her smile behind Loki’s head. There was a reason these people had been her friends as long as they had. Now Loki had them too. Maybe, with a little support, she could get through this with her sanity intact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because canon is here for me to ignore it, the ages will be a little off. Here's about where I picture the baby Avengers.
> 
> Thor, Bruce, and Bucky are all five. Steve is four. Thor and Bruce are in kindergarten, and Bucky is in preschool with Steve.  
> Tony is about 18 months, and Becca Barnes is about 13 months.  
> Loki is only about a month old at this point.

**Author's Note:**

> This all got started when I saw some tumblr posts talking about Loki fighting and doing magic like Frigga and it gave me stepmom _feelings_. I wanted a fic describing the difficulties of being a step/adoptive mom specifically and bonding with and raising a child you didn't give birth to. The idea wouldn't leave me alone, and then life happened. (Trigger warnings for the fic apply here too.) I found out I was pregnant, and my husband and I were ecstatic. Then life happened again, and at twelve weeks I miscarried, and this fic became a way for me to scream out a lot of feelings so I wasn't screaming out loud. I left out the worst bits, because there's no way to really describe the worst bits. It's unbeta'd and not well edited, because it was just feelings so I apologize for any errors. I might go back and fix it someday, but I might not. The fic will continue, on hopefully a lighter note. I make no promises on an update schedule, because my experience is still pretty fresh. I can only promise I won't abandon it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. If you'd like to share, here is the link for [tumblr](https://titaniumplatedspine.tumblr.com/post/175857793408/soul-of-my-soul-masterpost-one)


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